After years of study and research, trial and error I finally figured out what women want and what men want.
Women want their emotional needs met and men want sex. Ta-Da! There it is. That is all that every marriage relationship boils down to. Right? What? You mean there is more to relationships than just these two things? RATS! I could have sworn I had it all figured out this time. *Sighs*
Ah well fine, let’s look at what God says about it then (he always has the right of the subject).
Ephesians 5:24-25, 28-30
Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church–for we are members of his body.
1 Peter 3:1, 7
Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives.
Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
1 Corinthians 7:3
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.
Ah HA! Now we are getting somewhere. Now in what ways does the church submit to Christ? We (the members of the body of Christ who are the Church) depend upon Christ to fulfill our needs (give us this day our daily bread). We look to him for leadership and as our authority to tell others about him. We seek Crist for comfort in times of stress, for protection from harm (physical and emotional). We look to Christ to bring us joy and happiness in the midst of the troubles of life. We respect all his commands and esteem his precepts concerning all things that are right and good and loving. We yield to his will voluntarily and cheerfully with sincerity of heart. We obey him because we love him and we know he loves us and he wants what is ultimately best for us.
So then wives should also respect their husband’s opinions about politics, bible interpretation (when it is consistent with sound theology) and domestic life that is consistent with the gospel of Christ. Wives should know (beyond a doubt) that their husbands love them as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it as they are also ready to give their lives as a sacrifice to care for them. Wives should not nag their husbands. If a wife feels her husband is doing “IT” wrong, she should calmly explain what “IT” is and then let it go.
Husbands are called to love their wives in such a way as to feel incomplete without her. He should raise her up in his household to become one with him in all things (paying bills, planning vacations and major purchases, child rearing and everything leading up to retirement and beyond). He should bear with her weakness and frailty (to listen to her when she has issues she is trying to deal with instead of trying to “Fix” her problems. To actually get up and to help her when she is feeling overwhelmed with the children or household chores which she desires to get done. Pick up your clothes and then do the dishes (for crying out loud!). That is not asking too much of your precious time, is it?).
Husbands are to give themselves up to their wives in loving them, respecting them and honoring them. Show her sympathy, kindness, chivalrous forbearance (not condescension as some men do). Abhor tyranny in yourself and never let her see it in you or your words. Rather be the first to be willing to step up and make a self-sacrifice rather than exerting a claim of lordship. The character of Christ’s sacrifice for the church is such that only a rare few men can approach. Husbands can give themselves to their wives but only to her care and not unto his own death. Husbands are to share the entire burden of life at home with his wife. As the husband follows Christ in love he will do his best to help his wife deal with the pains associated with life as Christ also helps us deal with our trials and pains every day.
Husbands are to love their wives as they love themselves. The wife is one with the husband, half of his entire identity and he cannot fail to love her any more than he could fail to love himself. Indeed! Some rare few men actually love their wives more than themselves and this is not wrong. Philippians 2:3 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves” Marriage creates an inseparable community of interests between a husband and a wife. So much so, that the husband is to love his wife with the same sincerity and ardency of affection wherewith he loves himself. Seeking to make his wife happy should bring joy and fulfillment to the husband.
Husbands are to live with their wives in an understanding way. Study your wife. Find out what she likes and does not like. Find out what are her “Hot Topic” buttons and refuse to push them. Know her likes and dislikes. Find out her favorite colors, foods, styles, flowers and even candy. Refuse to do, say or get her anything you know she does not like. As your wife is to submit to your authority so also should you live submitting to her also. You are not your own. 1 Corinthians 7:4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.
Husbands and wives.
And this brings us to our final thought. Sexual intimacy vs emotional needs.
He won’t meet my emotional needs; I don’t feel like giving him sex.
She won’t meet my need for sex, how can I concentrate on her emotional needs?
This looks like a vicious circle with no way out. This is the second biggest cause of divorce (financial problems being number one).
Something (or rather someone) has to give in if the relationship has any hope to survive.
No two couples are the same and one person in each relationship must place their spouses needs above their own with the understanding that their spouse must also seek to meet their needs.
Women need their emotional needs to be met. No husband can meet all his spouse’s emotional needs (and some husbands are better able to meet them than others and some are nearly incapable of meeting the majority of them). Most women’s emotional needs take a greater amount of time and concentration to meet then a man’s sexual needs. Then again, some men feel less need for sexual intimacy than women.
Here is a newsflash for men: The right of the wife to her husband’s body is a perfect right, being founded on the ends of marriage, namely, the procreation of children, their proper education, and the prevention of fornication. But these ends would, in a great measure, be frustrated, if the wife had not an exclusive right to her husband’s person. Husbands have an obligation to also meet their wives sexual needs as well as their emotional needs.
It is a sad fact that a great many wives have been driven into the arms of other men by sexual frustrations caused by their husbands. However statistics still show that this is a larger problem of sexually frustrated husbands.
So then just as the wife has a right to her husband’s body so also does he have a right to his wife’s body. We also have the example of Christ as he sacrificially laid down his life for the church. Likewise husbands are to sacrificially lay down their lives for their wives (just in case the men did not get the point of who should be the first to put their needs aside and meet the needs of their spouse).
We can experience the pure joy of connectedness; of oneness; as we seek to fulfill each other’s needs in love.